KEEGO HARBOR, Mich. — I don’t know why I thought I could outrun the police, and I sure as hell don’t know why I thought parking at my place of employment, a block from the police station, was going to be a good hiding place.

In my defense, I was young, stupid, and a little bit high.

I must’ve figured if I put enough space between me and the cop behind me, parked and then somehow walked into work before he caught up, I’d be safe.

I wasn’t.

I was in cuffs before I crossed the parking lot. I didn’t even have the sense to leave my brand new glass pipe (a gift from my supervisor) in the car. Cop found it on me right away.

He could not have been more pleased.

I’m Keith Brown, the world’s worst police car out-runner.

I cannot help you get away from the police, nor can I help you build stuff. A tool in my hand has a better than 50 percent chance of poking out my eye.

I can make your writing better. Guaranteed.

— Me.

But I can use the hell out of a semi-colon. If you’re struggling with any kind of writing whatsoever, I’m your man. I can make your writing better. Guaranteed.

Research Papers. Essays. Blog Posts. Whatever words you need for whatever purpose, I can help.

I’m a trained journalist with 20 years of experience. I can get right to the point, or make you cry in fewer than five paragraphs. I can show you how to make your writing sing, or ghost write your next novel, dealer’s choice.

Learn more about my services.

Peruse my bonafides.

Read some of my writing.

Contact me for more information, pricing and availability.